69 Enlightening Quotes from Dodging Energy Vampires by Christiane Northrup
Living in an exploitative
relationship is very harmful. In, Dodging
Energy Vampires, Christiane Northorpe shows that a toxic relationship is
not only bad for your emotional health but also mental and physical. If you are
a person who treats gently or forgives those who mistreat you, you really need
this book. To protect yourself is your responsibility. Another good book in
which you can learn tactics to protect yourself is 50th Law by Robert Greene.
Here are the quotes I Love:
‘’If an empathic homosexual child
is born into a very conservative family, that child will very quickly know how
to suppress his true self in service to his family’s belief system. Or if an
empathic, creative, energetic child is born into a family that values logic and
study, the child will soon become subdued and work to prove her worth through
family-approved pursuits. Empathic children don’t do this consciously. It’s a
survival mechanism. Because they are so attuned to other people’s energy, they
suffer when others suffer, so they work hard not to make anyone suffer.’’
‘’Many empaths learn how to
override their sensitivity and shut down their intuitive knowing. Some even
turn to drugs and alcohol to numb their perceptions.
They also avoid scary or violent movies or television shows because they
are too painful to watch.’’
‘’Another form of physical
‘hiding’ some empaths do is a bit strange—we often hide from technology. Not
because we don’t like it or understand it, but rather because highly sensitive
empaths have different energy systems that can cause technology to
malfunction.’’
‘’Empaths are often extraordinarily skilled healers because they
naturally feel into the emotions of others—and may even experience these in
their own bodies.Their energy field quite literally goes into the body of
another and feels what’s going on. Plus they are resourceful enough to be
genuinely helpful in nearly every situation. As a result, they often create an
atmosphere in which people feel safe, seen, heard, and held. They may also have
the ability to take away painful feelings in others—in part by transmuting
those feelings within themselves and then sending out cleaned-up energy like a
human air purifier. Often after an
interaction with an empath, a person will walk away feeling better without
knowing why.’’
‘’Highly sensitive people also tend to experience the joys of the world
more fully. The sun shines pure ecstasy into their souls. Music reaches deep
within, calling forth tears or ecstatic wonder.Movement speaks to them at a
cellular level. I can’t tell you how much pure happiness I experience while
I dance the tango or play my harp—something I’ve been doing more as I embrace
my sensitivity and recover from my need to rescue others.’’
‘’Because of their ability to
sense energy around them, empaths are often drawn to animals and nature because
of their calming and innocent energy. This attraction can be a powerful
motivation to do good in the natural world—working to protect the least among
us, be it the earth itself or the animal inhabitants on it.’’
‘’The destination for every one of our souls is enlightenment. It is
nirvana. But this state is not reached quickly or easily. Every soul must learn
the lessons of love and acceptance that are taught through life experience. The
soul must learn what it means to be darkness and light, the abuser and the
abused, the weak and the powerful. It must experience all situations in order
to reach true enlightenment.Before you incarnate in each lifetime, your
soul signs on to a soul contract that dictates the lessons that will be learned
in that lifetime. The events you
experience are all part of a plan to bring your soul closer to enlightenment.
And a much higher vibration. As your soul moves in that direction, you become
more acutely aware of the soul’s journey.
All humans radiate energy, but
empaths radiate a particular type of compassionate and understanding energy
that can act as delicious life blood for energy vampires. While all empaths can
become victims of energy vampires,old-soul empaths with super traits are
especially attractive to vampires because of their high level of
self-confidence and energy, and because of their belief in the goodness of all
people. This is what makes them stay in relationships that drain them. Old-soul
empaths believe—deep down in their heart of hearts—that everyone can change, so
they stick with the vampires for years, even as their own health and
self-confidence wanes.
If you grew up in a household
that rewarded you only for doing what they wanted you to do—and shamed you for
what you were naturally drawn to—you may have grown up with a lot of
self-doubt. And not much self-trust.
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
The natural tendency of an empath is to want to uplift situations. To
improve people’s lives and to provide others with opportunities that very often
we ourselves didn’t have.
‘’If we[the empaths] happen to
get in a relationship with someone who isn’t in the relationship for healthy
reasons, our wounds become activated. Because of our belief that we have to
offer something of value in order to be accepted, we strive to make others
happy—even at the expense of our health and our sanity. Since we don’t believe
that anyone will value us for who we really are, we don’t dare share our
vulnerabilities in relationships lest we be rejected. I once had a man refer to
me as ‘bulletproof’ compared to other women. What he meant by that was that I
didn’t seem to have any needs or vulnerabilities. How very wrong he was. I just
had built up a lifetime of skill in hiding those needs. And getting them met by
myself.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
‘’So many empaths have an
unhealed inner child who has been trying to win love through service and
sacrifice for most of our lives that we tend to take on too much responsibility
for the health of a relationship. We’re so used to over giving that if someone
gives 25 percent compared to our 75 percent, we feel like we’ve finally arrived
in relationship nirvana. OMG—he put down the toilet seat.He must love me.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
‘’Energy vampires,…, feed on the life force of others. Unlike a
relationship in which the dysfunction may be based on incompatible
personalities, the dysfunction in an energy vampire relationship is based on
careful manipulation.Energy vampires keep energy coming their way by
masterfully playing into the wounds of the people around them. The empath,
then, is a special target for the energy vampire because the wounds in their
lives go so deep, which means that they are easier to manipulate. The
energy vampire hooks into the empath using what I call ‘malignant intuition.’
By this I mean that they have an unerring sixth sense about the wounds of an
empath. They know exactly what the empath has been longing to hear their entire
life. Vampires make a beeline for the wound —and then love-bomb the empath with
precisely the kind of attention and recognition they have been longing to
experience since birth . . . and maybe even for lifetimes. To an empath, this
kind of attention is a welcome relief. Ahhh . . .someone who finally ‘gets me.’
But that’s not the case at all. The vampire simply knows the empath’s
weaknesses and uses them to their own advantage. They are fully aware of what
they are doing.’’
‘’True energy vampires know exactly what they’re doing. They are
incredibly skillful at assessing your weaknesses and taking advantage of them.
‘’Where the confusion begins is that in a vampire-empath relationship,
the vampire is initially very supportive of your goals and dreams. Because the
vampire is often so adroit at initially supporting you in your efforts to heal,
you begin to trust them and their judgment. You feel as though you’ve finally
found someone who gets you, wounds and all. You relax and let your guard down,
and perhaps you let them into your life deeper than you’ve allowed anyone else.
Their hooks are now in you. This is when they begin to criticize you and use
their inner knowledge of you to discredit the people, things, and dreams that
are your passions—all of which they initially supported.’’
‘’If there were no drama, the energy vampires would have to look at the
spiritual side of life. But they are afraid of it. Trauma and drama are
comfortable. This is why the mainstream news cycle is so negative. It’s
familiar and comfortable. And it sells product. It is also addictive. There is
always something to fix. Something outside yourself to focus on so that you
never have to look inside—the only place where your true power lies. The place
where no one else can do the work for you.
‘’When there is nothing more to
fix, the only thing you have left is the Divine, by whatever name you choose to
call it. And vampires don’t want to go there because their approach to life
works for them. They genuinely don’t think anything is wrong with them. Why
would they need to look inside? The goodies are all outside—money, sex,
power.’’
‘’Psychopaths don’t feel they have psychological or emotional problems,
and they see no reason to change their behavior to conform to societal
standards with which they do not agree.Empaths, on the other hand, generally
have a very solid relationship with God and their faith in a Divine Source. We
feel bad for those who don’t, and we’re eager to share that deep and abiding
faith with another. But they don’t want to do the work of contacting that
Divine within. They’d rather just get a hit of our energy to keep them afloat
until the next time.’’
‘’While our initial response to
their[energy vampires’] inevitable ill treatment of us is anger, hurt,and
disappointment, we quickly squelch these natural feelings and replace them with
guilt—something we learned to do in the past, either way far back in another
lifetime or in childhood. Or, more likely, both.We make the mistake of thinking
that energy vampires are as sensitive as we are. We don’t want to risk hurting
their feelings, so in order to protect them and their feelings—and because
we’re so darn good at solving problems in all the other areas of our lives—we
keep giving them our energy and draining ourselves rather than risk standing up
to them, standing up for ourselves, and owning how angry, hurt, and
disappointed we really feel. And then ending the relationship. We take on the
responsibility of trying to convince them to get help and to change their ways.
But this is a dead-end street, because they don’t change.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
What has to change in every single relationship with an energy vampire
is you.You need to finally be done and get out of the
relationship.
‘’The vampire—whether a man, a
woman, a lover, a co-worker, or a guru—survives by draining the life force and
resources of the empath, who too often ends up sick, confused, broke, and
emotionally devastated. All because the wounds of the empath were used against
them. And they didn’t know it until it was too late.’’
''Narcissistic supply is the “blood” that manipulative people suck out of
empaths. Vampires manipulate others for this narcissistic supply, which comes
in the form of attention, money,sex, and status. There’s an old saying: “Talk
about me good. Talk about me bad.Just talk about me.” Vampires tend to suck all
the oxygen out of whatever room they are in, because there’s some kind of abyss
inside that can’t be filled. But that doesn’t stop them from trying.Vampires
will often pick a fight if things are going too smoothly, just to get a hit of
energy. It doesn’t matter if the energy is good or bad. That’s what
narcissistic supply is—directing energy, attention, and money toward
themselves, which they do very skillfully.''
‘’I’ve had that same thing happen
on several other occasions with individuals who, on the surface, were charming
and accommodating. But below the surface, something else entirely was going on.
That’s because vampires can be
chameleons in relationships, often knowing how to give you “just enough”
attention or improvement in behavior to keep you hooked. They will tell you
exactly what you want to hear to keep you sucked in, feeding their narcissistic
supply.When you threaten to end the relationship, the vampire will often become
extremely accommodating and commit to change. They might even be willing to go
see a therapist. And you think, Oh, my God, he gets it. Things are going
to be better. But that’s not true. What actually happens is that the
vampire may put in just enough effort to get you to stay—usually by charming
you with his words and promises to change.
But no substantive behavior change ever comes. And if you stay, this can be
disastrous for your health and your life.’’
‘’Have you ever seen a couple that just didn’t seem to make sense? A
stunningly attractive man with an overweight, puffy, tired-looking woman? Or the
other way around? I’m guessing you have. And you may have found yourself
wondering, What does he see in her? Here’s the thing: These are vampire
relationships. The person who looks like a million bucks is a vampire, and the
person who looks drained and sick is a highly sensitive person—and the
vampire’s narcissistic supply. She is the source of his life energy. It’s
literally like a transfusion is occurring in which the vampire is draining the
empath.Individuals who can see and sense energy can even observe this as energy
cords between the two people.’’
‘’Highly sensitive people who
stay in vampire relationships eventually end up suffering from health issues
like adrenal fatigue, chronic Lyme disease, thyroid disorders, an inability to
lose weight, irritable bowel syndrome,diabetes, breast cancer, and so-called
mystery illnesses and autoimmune disorders that don’t respond well to
conventional medical treatments. In fact, I’d say that in my decades of
experience on the front lines of women’s health, the root cause of an individual’s health problems is very often that
they are involved with a vampire—either at home or at work. And until that is
addressed, no exercise, meditation, yoga, or nutritional program is going to
permanently help them regain and maintain their health. That’s because every
time they put a deposit in their health bank account—by going on a yoga retreat
or a juice cleanse, or getting a massage—the vampire in their lives just drains
them as soon as they return home.’’
‘’So let’s look at how physical
health issues come about in a vampire relationship. On a basic level, the
stress of having to deal with constant disappointment, negativity, trying to
‘fix’ someone, deception, and all the other things that go with a vampire
relationship can lead to physical symptoms because of the chronic, unrelenting
release of stress hormones in the body. It is very well documented that people
who are exposed to chronic social conflict experience dysregulation of the
immune system, thereby increasing their susceptibility to all kinds of
infectious diseases including so-called autoimmune disorders.’’
''The overarching belief that runs the [health-care] system is this:
Germs, bad luck, or bad genes are the cause of illness. It has nothing to do
with your diet, your relationships, or your life. But don’t worry. There is—or
soon will be—a drug that you can take for your condition. The fact that adverse
pharmaceutical drug reactions and medical mistakes are the third leading cause
of preventable death in the United States isn’t even addressed. We’re just
trained to wait for the next big pharmaceutical breakthrough.''
‘’I’ve been a doctor long enough
to see that so-called mystery illnesses which weren’t taken seriously by
conventional medicine two decades ago have now become ‘real’ and finally taken
seriously only because a company has developed a drug to treat the symptoms.
Fibromyalgia is a perfect example.Twenty years ago, fibromyalgia and chronic
fatigue were dismissed out of hand when women showed up suffering from this
condition. Now there is a drug that can be prescribed but which doesn’t even
begin to treat the root cause of the problem.’’
‘’Many people know—in their guts—that the majority of chronic health
problems are the end result of emotional and psychological stress in their
lives. It’s very easy—and culturally encouraged—to ignore this information
given that the health-care system largely dismisses the unity of the mind and
body.’’
‘’One of the biggest pieces of misinformation in health care today is
the notion that an individual’s health is determined by his or her genes. And
that no matter what we do, we’re victims of our genes. Diseases “run in your
family.” There is nothing you can do about it. These are the cards you’ve been
dealt. But this isn’t necessarily true.Dr. Bruce Lipton, developmental
biologist and author of The Biology of Belief,points out that only about
10 percent of what happens to your body and your health is in any way related
to your genes or your family history. That means that 90 percent of what
happens to you—including how your genes get expressed—is determined by your
environment. This is the science of epigenetics. And the most important
part of that environment is created by your beliefs, most of which you are not
consciously aware.’’
‘’According to biocognitive
theory,what we believe and what our
culture teaches us has more impact on our health than our diet and lifestyle
factors. A great example of this is the research of Dr.Becca Levy of the
Yale School of Public Health who studied 660 people over the age of 50 in an
Ohio community and found that those who had positive perceptions of getting
older (which were already in place in their teenage years) conferred seven
extra years to their lives. That’s right—just the belief that growing older had
positive aspects resulted in a longer life. And that was true even for those
who smoked, were lonely, were obese, had high blood pressure,and never
exercised. In other words, belief trumped all other measures we associate with
longevity.’’
‘’I’ve known several highly
sensitive people—who attract vampires like a magnet—who have high blood sugar
despite an almost perfect diet. And in all cases, these individuals sugarcoat
everything they say and do; they appear to be literally unable to feel their
anger. They instead go right to forgiveness and compassion.’’
‘’Empaths tend to put on weight
easily, in part because the weight acts as ‘protection.’ Hence the weight
distribution in empaths is almost always in the middle of the body—that dreaded
‘apple shape’ with excess belly fat that is a risk factor for cardiovascular
disease and diabetes. This weight distribution acts to protect the solar
plexus, the area in the body associated with self-esteem and personal power.
Until you learn how to create healthy boundaries and shore up your self-esteem,
you’re not likely to achieve a healthy weight.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
‘’Make no mistake—energy vampires
are often charming and charismatic. You often can’t take your eyes off them
(until you realize who they really are). They know exactly what to say to whom.
And when to say it.’’
‘’The antisocial ones are liars
and cheats and have recurring problems with the law. They disregard their own
safety or the safety of others. They often engage in repeated violation of the
rights of others. They won’t take responsibility for their actions and are
often aggressive, impulsive, and even violent.’’
Those with borderline personality disorder engage in impulsive and
risky behavior such as unsafe sex, gambling, or binge drinking or eating, but
can also be unbelievably compelling and charming. They often threaten
self-injury or say they are going to commit suicide, especially if you don’t
give them what they want. Far more women than men are considered borderlines.
They operate with what is called intermittent reinforcement—the most difficult
kind to deal with. Sometimes they are there for you. Sometimes they are not.
This inconsistency is maddening and makes you feel crazy.
‘’Borderlines are masters at
engaging in ‘splitting behavior,’ pitting one person against another. They
often have ongoing feelings of emptiness. (I’ve dealt with borderline patients
who get pregnant year after year because after the baby is born, they feel
‘empty.’) In Buddhism, this kind of person has been called a ‘hungry
ghost,’ meaning that they have no inner
sense of self. They have an abyss inside that can’t be filled no matter how
much you love and attend to them. They have frequent intense displays of anger.
And are very manipulative.’’
‘’Individuals with histrionic
personality disorder also constantly seek attention.They are often excessively
emotional, dramatic, or sexually provocative. They often speak dramatically
with strong opinions but with no facts to back them up.They are easily
influenced by others and have rapidly changing emotions. They have excessive
concern about their physical appearance and often think that their
relationships are closer than they are.’’
‘’Vampires with narcissistic
personality disorder have fantasies about power,success, and attractiveness.
They crave fame and recognition. They don’t recognize the needs and feelings of
others. They feel superior to others and act entitled. They often exaggerate
their achievements and talents.’’
‘’Narcissists require constant
praise and admiration. They are often arrogant, and they believe that they are
special. And they can be unbelievably physically attractive and, because of
this, tend to get the equivalent of full service at self-service prices
wherever they go—especially in their younger days. (There’s an old adage that
states that narcissists don’t age well.) They have unreasonable expectations of
favors and advantages, often taking advantage of others who,depending on their
own self-esteem, often feel blessed just to be in the narcissists’ presence—at
least initially. They also are envious of others or believe that others envy
them.Some can also be miserly, with tight control over budgets. They may also
have an inability to discard old or worn-out objects. They can also be morally
inflexible.’’
''Most criminals are not psychopaths, but many of the individuals who
operate on the shady side of the law but remain out of prison are indeed
psychopaths.''
‘’Many psychopaths are white-collar criminals who bilk the public of
millions,yet, even once convicted, spend very little time in jail or in
changing their ways…White-collar psychopaths are the kind of brilliant
masterminds who steal the life savings and pension plans of thousands, like the
CEOs of Enron, a company that went from being worth billions to declaring
bankruptcy overnight. A company that encouraged all of its employees to
invest their pension plans in its stock while the principal masterminds sold
theirs and got out with millions before the bottom inevitably fell out. Want to
see what this looks like in living color? Watch Alex Gibney’s 2005 documentary Enron:
The Smartest Guys in the Room. Absolutely mesmerizing. Psychopathy in
action.’’
''what about the abusive spouse who pushes his wife up against a wall or
hits her? He excuses his behavior by saying, “She was on my case all day. I
finally snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore.” The abuser knows full well that
what he did was wrong. But to avoid the consequences, he puts the blame back on
her. She made him do it. That doesn’t make any sense. She was not in his brain
connecting the motor cortex with the musculature of his arm.''
''What we call passive aggressive is really covert aggression.
Codependence should be replaced with dependence or abuse.
What we call help should be replaced with what it really is: chasing or
enabling.''
‘’Women in their 70s who
consistently try new things—like dancing or taking up new physical activities
or learning a language—have brains that are nearly as sharp as the brain of a
20-year-old.However, neuroplasticity and change are contingent on one thing: willingness.’’
‘’The first step in saving
yourself is seeing the problem. So here are the common characteristics of
energy vampires. And remember, this is a continuum.Some people are full-out
vampires. Others have certain vampire traits. All use manipulation to get their
needs met.They are often charming, good-looking, charismatic, and outgoing.
They often have hypnotic eyes that draw you in to whatever they are saying.
They may hold high positions in government, business, religion, the military,
and medicine. Think CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Or prominent political
figure. Charismatic vampires tend to surround themselves with followers who
hang on their every word…’’
‘’They often have a complete disregard for right and wrong….vampires
often commit their biggest crimes when no one is looking, and then turn into
model citizens when the camera is on them—like a politician who weeps with
compassion on camera but lines his pockets with taxpayers’ money when the
cameras aren’t rolling.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
‘’Looking good is one of the most
cherished values of a vampire. So confronting any weakness in them or
suggesting an area of improvement is often met with stonewalling or rage.Their
self-esteem is derived from personal gain outside of themselves—how they look, what
kind of house they live in, what kind of car they drive.’’
“It’s very easy to diagnose a
borderline. They screw you over, rip you off, commit whatever transgression,
and then they blame you for it.”
''Full-on narcissists can be hypersexual and very good at sex. They are
also exquisitely seductive and often very attractive. They are rarely
monogamous and often have affairs. And they will, unfortunately, toss you aside
in a heartbeat without a second glance when you are no longer providing them
with the supply they need.''
''To recognize that someone is a vampire, you often need to take a step
back and look at their behavior patterns, not simply behavior incidents. It can
be hard to make this shift—to reframe your perspective of someone—but 10,000 feet up is sometimes the
best place from which to see their true nature.''
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''It’s often hard for empaths to accept that there are people who aren’t
filled with love and light. There really are predators who lack character,
empathy, and compassion. The sooner you accept this, the safer and happier
you’ll be.''
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''Look to their behavior, not their words.''
‘’Once you’ve identified that someone is a vampire, there is only one
move on the board. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: You must assume
that he/she will never change. You must get on with your own life and stop
waiting for the day when that “potential” you see in them becomes a reality.
The chances of this happening are basically nonexistent—and they won’t change
unless they are forced to by something as powerful as you giving up on them.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
You can’t believe for a single
minute that change is possible. That is the only way. Because in the one in a
million chance that they [energy vampires] will change, it will only happen
when you are really done. It’s a huge paradox.
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
“When you dim your light to please others, the whole world gets darker.”
So take care of yourself. Trying to never need any attention,affection, or
a listening ear does not heal anything. In fact, it puts you at risk.You should
not spend your entire life helping others at your own expense.You count! Your
well-being is a necessary part of the whole. And your wellbeing influences the
whole in a very positive way. If you are
constantly sacrificing yourself for the good of others, then who is going to
save you? Nobody.
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''Here’s what I now do on social media—and you can figure out what will work in your situation. If someone is snarky or critical, I no longer try to ‘buff them up,’ send love, or try to explain my position. If the comment is nasty or a putdown, I just delete it. If it happens again, I simply press ‘ban user.’ My community Facebook page is my kingdom. And I am the Queen of my own Kingdom. Why would I let someone ruin it? I treat it like I treat my house. I wouldn’t let anyone pollute it or leave trash lying around my yard, so why would I allow the digital equivalent? There are many opportunities for people to argue and be nasty on social media, but my page is not one of them.''
''One of the most powerful tactics you can take to put yourself first is
to create boundaries. Boundaries come in all shapes and sizes—from a complete
cutoff to a managed minimization. Boundaries are absolutely key to your
sanity,particularly if you suspect that your vampire has borderline personality
disorder.Obviously, the best thing you can do to avoid being narcissistic
supply is to completely cut off communication. End the marriage. Break up the
relationship. Quit the job. But for many of us, this tactic won’t work. You
can’t just walk out on your husband if you have children together. You can’t
just quit a job if you need money. And what if your vampire is one of your
children? In any of these instances, the goal is to figure out how to minimize
contact—or at least minimize being taken advantage of—as much as humanly
possible.''
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''One of the best ways to minimize your interaction with energy vampires
is to … to turn people down, even if you have to hurt them a bit in the
process. This is essential. Be like those old drug commercials: Just Say
No.Once you get a bit more comfortable saying no—or “I’ll get back to you”—for
the little things, you can move on to the big things.''
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
‘’Now go on to a different
situation. Imagine a friend asking you to go out with them to do something.
Imagine the sinking feeling in your gut. But the simultaneous feeling that you
don’t want to let them down or disappoint them.And then figure out the exact
words you would use to turn your friend down.Picture yourself saying those
words and picture your friend’s response. Walk through the fear. And then do it
again. Replay this movie over and over until it doesn’t elicit fear in you.Once
you face down your fears of saying no, you’ll be much better able to stick to
situations that don’t drain you.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''Another tactic … that is all about creating boundaries—or completely
disengaging with an energy vampire—is called “broken wing.”… You just feign
illness or a family emergency. In other words, you turn the tables on them. Now
you are the bird with the broken wing; you’re the one who has the need,
not them. When you do this, they evaporate like fog in the hot sun.''
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''Love is toxic to a toxic person. And … there are only so many
milligrams of love that a toxic person can take before they become mean or
nasty. You know when they’ve reached their maximum dosage when they start
criticizing you or being negative…. Do not make the mistake of
reacting emotionally. Don’t cry, don’t beg, don’t expect to have your feelings
validated. Just leave. It’s that simple.''
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''For creating boundaries with folks you have to interact with is simply
to be as boring and devoid of energy as you can be. This is referred to as 'gray rock.' It works just the way it sounds: You act like a gray rock. Answer
questions with 'Yes' and 'No.' Limit contact as much as humanly possible.
Remember, all vampires want is narcissistic supply, so gray-rocking them will
turn off the faucet.''
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''Skilled vampires always make themselves look like the victim.''
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''One of the first things you have to start doing is to learn how to
trust yourself again. Years of being lied to, manipulated, shamed, and made to
feel crazy can really take a toll on this ability and your ability to simply
think clearly.''
‘’You need someone clearheaded
and trustworthy whom you can contact when you’re feeling uncertain about a
situation. It’s very important that you have at least one other person who can
see the situation clearly. Often this will be a good friend who knows you well
and who has not been taken in by your vampire.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
‘’Our guts tell us what is really
going on in most situations,but over the years of being with an energy vampire,
we’ve lost the ability to believe what we feel. But if our very first reaction
to someone or some situation is anger, for example, we need to trust that.
Remember that anger is simply a sign that a need isn’t being fulfilled.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''Therapy is useless at best, and
harmful at worst unless the therapist knows exactly how to deal with character
disorders, which includes naming and confronting their behavior as a first
step.''
''The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with
yourself. So start there.''
''The causes of health:
1. Thinking positive and uplifting thoughts and seeking out good news.
2. Feeling ecstatic
emotions regularly; engaging in things that bring you joy, inspiration,
delight, awe, love, devotion, and pleasure.
3.Expressing and acting on the justifiable anger that comes from pain
caused without regard for your own or another’s innocence and humanity.''
‘’Tibetan Monks turned to compassion instead of expressing anger, and
they got diabetes in the process. This is similar to what an empath does.
Instead of leaving or fighting, the empath tries to live according to spiritual
practices such as loving-kindness, empathic joy (celebrating the success of
others), compassion (wanting to end the suffering of all beings), and
equanimity (living in harmony and peace of mind). This certainly seems not only
reasonable, but also laudable. But there’s that big problem of our immune
systems having morals. They won’t allow us to bypass righteous anger when our
innocence or that of a loved one is threatened. The proper response in these
situations is anger—and action. And if you don’t act on this anger, you become
drained, tired, and stressed, with all the corresponding rises in stress
hormones.’’
― Christiane Northrup, Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power
''Many Tibetan monks have diabetes that cannot be explained by their diet
or lifestyle. In general, these monks eat healthfully. Yes, some are obese. And
yes, many eat carbs. But they don’t overeat or overload on sugar, and yet they
still have an unusually high rate of diabetes. The work of Dr. Martinez and
others suggests that the development of diabetes is intimately connected with
their belief systems of forgiveness and loving-kindness…. The Chinese have
done a huge amount of damage to the Tibetan culture and its people. They have
raped, pillaged, and destroyed temples. The natural response to this is anger
and rage. But the monks have been taught not to feel that anger and instead to
send love to their enemies….''
‘’To maintain your health and
peace of mind, you must tap into your righteous anger at allowing yourself to
be used and abused. In the instance of vampire relationships, this means that
you must either get out of or minimize time spent with the other person. And you must realize that being spiritual and
unconditionally loving does not mean putting up with abuse of any kind.
This is how marriage and relationship therapist Dr. Pat Allen puts it in her
book It’s a Man’s World and a Woman’s Universe: ‘If your mate is not overall 51 percent valuable, you cannot stay with
them and remain healthy. Being in a toxic relationship may be a sign of
unconditional love, but it’s also a sign that you love them more than yourself.
That is a sign of mental illness.’ ‘’
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