61 Enlightening Quotes from The places that scare you by Pema Chödrön
If you often feel bitter, angry or depressed,you should read The Places That Scare You by Pema Chödrön.This book can help you break the negative thoughts pattern.
Here are the quotes:
''Don’t you go letting life harden your heart.''
― Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
''Sometimes....broken heart gives birth to anxiety and panic,
sometimes to anger, resentment, and blame. But under the hardness of that armor
there is the tenderness of genuine sadness. This is our link with all those who
have ever loved.''
― Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
''we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to
control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always
hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid
uncertainty. This not knowing is part of the adventure, and it’s also what
makes
us afraid.''
''It’s hard to know whether to laugh or to cry at the human
predicament. Here we are with so much wisdom and tenderness, and—without even
knowing it—we cover it over to protect ourselves from insecurity. Although we
have the potential to experience the freedom of a butterfly, we mysteriously
prefer the small and fearful cocoon of ego.''
― Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
''The tragedy of experiencing ourselves as apart from everyone
else is that this delusion becomes a prison.''
― Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
''Openness doesn’t come from resisting our fears but from
getting to know them well.''
''These are the three ways that we shield ourselves from this
fluid, un-pin-downable world, three strategies we use to provide ourselves with
the illusion of security.''
''The point is that we can misuse any substance or activity to
run away from insecurity. When we become addicted…, we are creating the causes
and conditions for suffering to escalate. We can’t get any lasting satisfaction
no matter how hard we try. Instead the very feelings we’re trying to escape
from get stronger.''
''When we believe in the correctness of our view, we can be very
narrow-minded and prejudiced about the faults of other people.For example, how
do I react when my beliefs about the government are challenged? How about when
others don’t agree with how I feel about homosexuality or women’s rights or the
environment? What happens when my ideas about smoking or drinking are
challenged? What do I do when my religious convictions are not shared? The
problem isn’t with the beliefs themselves but with how we use them to get
ground under our feet, how we use them to feel right and to make someone else
wrong, how we use them to avoid feeling the uneasiness of not knowing what is
going on.''
''In the sixties I knew people who took LSD every day with the
belief that they
could maintain that high. Instead they fried their brains. I
still know men and
women who are addicted to falling in love. Like Don Juan, they
can’t bear it
when that initial glow begins to wear off; they’re always
seeking out someone
new.''
''Life does continually go up and down. People and
situations are unpredictable and so is everything else.Everybody knows
the pain of getting what we don’t want: saints, sinners,winners, losers. …we
don’t suffer this kind of pain because of our personal inability to get things right.''
''Nothing is static or fixed, all is fleeting and impermanent,
[This] is the first
mark of existence.''
''Everything is in process. Everything—every tree, every blade
of grass, all the animals, insects, human beings, buildings, the animate and
the inanimate—is always changing, moment to moment. We don’t have to be mystics
or physicists to know this. Yet at the level of personal experience, we resist
this basic fact. It means that life isn’t always going to go our way. It means
there’s loss as well as gain. And we don’t like that.''
''We know that all is impermanent; we know that everything wears
out. Although we can buy this truth intellectually, emotionally we have a
deep-rooted aversion to it. We want permanence; we expect permanence. Our
natural tendency is to seek security; we believe we can find it.''
''Egolessness is a flexible identity. It manifests as
inquisitiveness, as adaptability, as humor, as playfulness. It is our capacity
to relax with not knowing, not figuring everything out, with not being at all
sure about who we are—or who anyone else is either.''
''We are certain about who we are and who others are and it
blinds us. If another version of reality comes knocking on our door, our fixed ideas
keep us from accepting it.''
''We are not trapped in the identity of success or failure, or
in any identity at all, neither in terms of how others see us nor in how we see
ourselves. Every moment is unique, unknown, completely fresh.''
''Because we mistake what always results in suffering for what will
bring us happiness, we remain stuck in the repetitious habit of escalating our dissatisfaction…this
vicious cycle is called samsara.''
''Because we experience short-lived satisfaction from
them[addictions], we keep getting hooked. In repeating our quest for instant
gratification, pursuing addictions of all kinds—some seemingly benign, some
obviously lethal—we continue to reinforce old patterns of suffering. We
strengthen dysfunctional patterns.Thus we become less and less able to reside
with even the most fleeting uneasiness or discomfort.''
''There is no cure for hot and cold. There is no cure for the
facts of life.''
''It is only when we begin to relax with ourselves that
meditation becomes a transformative process. Only when we relate with ourselves
without moralizing,
without harshness, without deception, can we let go of harmful
patterns.''
''As we continue to sit we see that meditation isn’t about getting
it right or attaining some ideal state. It’s about being able to stay present with
ourselves. It becomes increasingly clear that we won’t be free of self-destructive
patterns unless we develop a compassionate understanding of what they are.''
''In meditation we discover our inherent restlessness. Sometimes
we get up and leave. Sometimes we sit there but our bodies wiggle and squirm
and our minds go far away. This can be so uncomfortable that we feel it’s
impossible to stay. Yet this feeling can teach us not just about ourselves but
also about what it is to be human. All of us derive security and comfort from
the imaginary world of memories and fantasies and plans. We really don’t want
to stay with the nakedness of our present experience. It goes against the grain
to stay present. These are the times when only gentleness and a sense of humor
can give us the strength to settle down.''
''Transformation occurs only when we remember, breath by breath,
year after year, to move toward our emotional distress without condemning or
justifying our experience.''
''When our emotions intensify, what we usually feel is fear.''
''By acknowledging the emotion, dropping whatever story we are
telling ourselves about it, and feeling the energy of the moment, we cultivate
compassion for ourselves.''
''when we harm another, we are harming ourselves…others are not
so different from ourselves.''
''If we wish to practice generosity and a beggar arrives, that’s
good news. The beggar gives us an opportunity to learn how to give. Likewise, if we
want to practice patience and unconditional loving-kindness and an enemy
arrives, we are in luck. Without the ones who irritate us, we never have a
chance to practice.''
''Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the
wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness
well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real
when we recognize our shared humanity.''
''The best way to serve ourselves is to love and care for others.''
''When we are willing to stay even a moment with uncomfortable
energy, we
gradually learn not to fear it. Then when we see someone in
distress we’re not
reluctant to breathe in the person’s suffering and send out
relief.''
''Difficult people are,…. the greatest teachers. Aspiring to
rejoice in their good fortune is a good opportunity to investigate our
reactions and our strategies. How do we react to their good luck, good health,
good news? With envy? With anger? With fear? What is our strategy for moving
away from what we feel? Revenge, self-denigration? What stories do we tell
ourselves? ('She’s a snob' .'I’m a failure.') These reactions, strategies, and
story lines are what cocoons and prison walls are made of.''
''Pity or professional warmth is easily mistaken for true
compassion.When we identify ourselves as the helper, it means we see others as
helpless.Instead of feeling the pain of the other person, we set ourselves
apart. If we’ve ever been on the receiving end of pity we know how painful it
feels. Instead of warmth and support all we feel is distance. With true
compassion these up-down identities are stripped away.''
''When we find ourselves in an aggressive relationship, we need
to set clear boundaries. The kindest thing we can do for everyone concerned is
to know when to say ‘enough.’ Many people use Buddhist ideals to justify
self-debasement. In the name of not shutting our heart, we let people walk all
over us. It is said that in order not to break our vow of compassion we have to
learn when to stop aggression and draw the line. There are times when the only
way to bring down the barriers is to set boundaries.''
''The far enemy or opposite of compassion is cruelty. When we
reach the limit of how much suffering we can take, we sometimes use cruelty as
a defense against our fear of pain. This is common for anyone who was abused as
a child.Instead of feeling kindness for those who are defenseless and weak, we
can feel an irrational desire to hurt them. We protect our vulnerability and
fear by hardening. If we do not recognize that by doing this we hurt ourselves
as much as we hurt others, we’ll never get free.''
''The near enemy of joyfulness is over-excitement. We can churn
ourselves into a manic state and mistake riding high above the sorrows of the
world for unconditional joy. Again, instead of connecting us with others, this
separates us. Authentic joy is not a euphoric state or a feeling of being high.
Rather, it is a state of appreciation that allows us to participate fully in
our lives. We train in rejoicing in the good fortune of self and others.''
''Comfort orientation, is based on our tendency to avoid
inconvenience….This particular brand of laziness can make us aggressive. We
become outraged at inconvenience. When the car doesn’t work, when we lose our
water or electric service, when we have to sit on the cold ground without
padding, we explode.Comfort orientation dulls our appreciation of smells and
sights and sounds. It also makes us dissatisfied. Somehow we always know in our
hearts that pure pleasure is not the route to lasting happiness.''
''The third kind of laziness, ‘couldn’t care less,’ is
characterized by resentment.
We are giving the world the finger. It’s similar to loss of
heart but much harder.
Loss of heart has some kind of softness and vulnerability.
Couldn’t care less is
more aggressive and defiant. ‘The world is messed up. It’s not
giving me what I
deserve. So why bother?’ We go to the bar and drink all day
long, and if
someone talks to us we pick a fight. Or we shut the curtains,
get into bed, and
pull the blankets over our heads. If someone tries to cheer us
up, heaven help
him! We wallow in feeling undervalued and put down. We don’t
want to find any
outlet. We just want to sit around, feeling weighted down with
gloom. We use
laziness as our way of getting revenge. This kind of laziness
can easily turn into
incapacitating depression.''
''There is no act that is inherently virtuous or nonvirtuous.
The warrior trains in
the discipline of not causing harm, knowing that the way to do
this skillfully will
change with the circumstances. When we practice discipline
with flexibility, we
become less moralistic and more tolerant.''
''The essence of generosity is letting go. Pain is always a sign
that we are holding on to something—usually ourselves. When we feel unhappy,
when we feel inadequate, we get stingy; we hold on tight. Generosity is an
activity that loosens us up. By offering whatever we can—a dollar, a flower, a
word of encouragement—we are training in letting go.''
''There are so many ways to practice generosity. The main point
isn’t so much
what we give but that we unlock our habit of clinging.''
''Holding on to anything blocks wisdom. Any conclusions
we might draw must be let go.''
― Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
“Authentic
joy is not a euphoric state or a feeling of being high. Rather, it is a state
of appreciation that allows us to participate fully in our lives. We train in
rejoicing in the good fortune of self and others.”
― Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
''Practice not causing harm to anyone—yourself or others—and
every day, do what you can to be helpful.''
''Each time we retaliate with aggressive words and actions, we
are strengthening the habit of anger….In times of anger, we can contact the
kindness and compassion that we already have. When someone who is insane starts
to harm us, we can easily understand that she doesn’t know what she is doing.
There is the possibility of contacting our heart and feeling sadness that she
is out of control and is harming herself by hurting others. There is the
possibility that even though we feel fear, we do not feel hatred or anger.
Instead we might feel inspired to help this person if we can.''
''Actually a lunatic is far less crazy than a sane person who
harms us, for that so-called sane person has the potential to realize that in
acting aggressively he is sowing seeds of his own confusion and
dissatisfaction. His present aggression is strengthening future, more-intense
habits of aggression. He is creating his own soap opera. This kind of life is
painful and lonely. The one who harms us is under the influence of patterns
that could continue to produce suffering forever.''
''Without the inconsiderate neighbor, where will we find the
chance to practice patience? Without the office bully, how could we ever get
the chance to know the energy of anger so intimately that it loses its
destructive power? The teacher is always with us.''
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