85 Deep Quotes from Barking up the wrong Tree by Eric Barker
Barking
up the wrong tree is an excellent self-help book. It’s long, but filled with interesting facts and
explanations. A very well researched book that narrates dozens of research
studies. The author writing style is superb somewhat like Robert Greene.He does
not just narrate the facts and studies but he also teaches you how you can
apply them to your own life.
You will not regret spending your time
on it ,I promise.
Here are the quotes I love:
''School
has clear rules. Life often doesn’t.
When there’s no clear path to follow,
academic high achievers break down.''
―
Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why
Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Knowing
yourself, in terms of achieving what you want in life, means being aware of
your strengths.Consider the people we’re
all envious of who can confidently pick something, say they’re
going to be awesome at it, and then calmly go and actually
be awesome at it. This is their secret: they’re
not good at everything, but they know their strengths and choose things that
are a good fit.''
''The
lesson from cases of people both keeping and losing their jobs is that as long
as you keep your boss or bosses happy, performance really does not matter that
much and, by contrast, if you upset them, performance won’t
save you.''
''Feeling
powerless actually makes you dumber.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Bad
behavior is infectious. It spreads. Soon you won’t
be the only one scheming.''
''Being
a Taker has short-term benefits, but it’s
inherently limited. In the end, nobody wants to help you because they know what
you’re really like. Who are a Taker’s
worst enemies? Other Takers. While
Givers get tons of help from other Givers and receive protection from Matchers—who
believe that to maintain fairness kind acts should be rewarded—they
have only Takers to worry about. Meanwhile, Takers end up being disliked
by everyone, including other Takers.''
''Most
of life isn’t zero-sum. Just because
someone else wins, that doesn’t mean you lose.
Sometimes that person needs the fruit and you need the peel.And sometimes the
strategy that makes you lose small on this round makes you win big on the next.''
''Not
only is reciprocity one of the key elements of being influential and winning
favor with others but it’s also essential that you go
first.''
''Never
betray anyone initially. Why make someone question your motives? But if a
person cheats you, don’t be a martyr.''
''When
you take a job take a long look at the people you’re
going to be working with—because the odds are you’re
going to become like them;they are not going to become like you. You can’t
change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s
not going to work.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Kissing
your boss’s ass isn’t immoral or
unsavory if the boss is someone you actually respect. At that next job
interview find out who you will be reporting to. Ask to speak to that person
and do some research on them. Studies show that your boss has a much larger
affect on your happiness and success than the company at large.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''You
do need to be visible. Your boss does need to like you. This is not proof of a
heartless world; it’s just human nature. Hard work
doesn’t pay off if your boss doesn’t
know whom to reward for it. Would you expect a great product to sell with zero
marketing? Probably not.''
''In
your head, you say between three hundred and a thousand words every minute to
yourself. Those words can be positive (I can do it)
or negative (Oh god, I can’t
take this anymore). It turns out that when these words are
positive,they have a huge effect on your mental toughness, your ability to keep
going.Subsequent studies of military personnel back this up.''
''While
you may think that the key to being a good salesperson is people skills or
being extroverted, research shows that salespeople can be hired based on
optimism alone.
Researchers found that ‘agents who scored in the top 10
percent [of optimism] sold 88 percent more than the most pessimistic tenth.’ ''
''Depression
is pessimism writ large. When you keep down the path of
feeling helpless again and again, you end up clinically depressed. You feel
helpless at life. You give up in a much more holistic way and stop doing
anything.''
''Rationally,
gaining a dollar should be as pleasurable as losing a dollar is painful. But
that’s not how our minds work. Losing a dollar bothers us a lot
more than earning a dollar makes us feel good. It makes sense; losing too much
can mean death but gaining a lot . . . well, it’s
nice but quickly results in diminishing returns. So evolution has wired us to
fear losses a lot more than we love gains.''
''Our
brains are wired to try to make sense of things. Meaning is part of our
operating system. We need to think the world makes sense and that we have
control. The brain doesn’t like randomness.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Stories
aren’t perfect pictures of the world, but they allow us to succeed
for this very reason. They can keep us going and become prophecy. You weren’t
‘born’ to do anything in particular,
but when your story says you were ‘born’
to do something you perform better and persist. After all, it’s
your destiny.''
''Picture
your funeral. The people who loved you have all gathered to pay their respects.
They’re going to praise the qualities that made you so special,
that they will miss the most. What do you want them to say? Taking
the time to think about that can help you find your eulogy values,which will
guide your decisions.''
''We
think we want to rest, but what we really want is a different type of
challenge. We crave ease, but stimulation is what really makes us happy.''
''To
make work fun, add challenges. If it challenges you—without
being overwhelming —you’ll
enjoy it more.''
''If
you quit the stuff you know isn’t working for you,
you free up time for things that might.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''When
we choose an extra hour at work, we are, in effect, choosing one less hour with
our kids. We can’t do it all and do it well. And
there will not be more time later. Time does not equal money, because we can
get more money.''
''When
we hear about the ten thousand hours of deliberate practice that experts
perform to become great, that number seems overwhelming. But it all starts to
click once you realize how many other activities successful people are discarding
in order to free up more time for improvement. It’s
no surprise that hours matter.''
''Know
your number-one priority. Then start quitting stuff that isn’t
as important and see what happens. You’ll
learn really fast if something really is more essential than you thought.''
''We
always think we need more: more help, more motivation, more energy.But in our
current world the answer is often the exact opposite: we
need less.Fewer distractions, fewer goals, fewer
responsibilities. Is that so we can watch more TV? No. We need less of those
things so we can go all in on our priorities.The question is what are you going
to do less of? What are you going to quit or say no to in order to make time
for what matters most?''
''know
what matters to you most, what should get the most hours, what should be done
first. know where you should apply grit, and by the same token, what you should
quit. As the old saying goes, ‘You can do anything
once you stop trying to do everything.' ''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''It
turns out luck isn’t just serendipity or due to
the paranormal. A lot of it is about the choices people make…
If you lock yourself in your house, how many exciting, new, cool things are
going to happen to you? Not many.''
''Do
not be afraid to do some experiments, and quit the ones that don’t
work.It can lead to great things. You need to quit some things to find out what
to be gritty at. And you need to try stuff knowing you might quit some of it to
open yourself up to the luck and opportunities that can make you successful.''
''Want
to be gritty like a Navy SEAL? You need to remember.. .three Ps; don’t
see bad things as permanent, pervasive, or personal.''
'' Get rid of the activities that provide little
value and don’t serve your goals. Then add
those hours to fuel progress toward the big things that matter.''
''Whether
you’re looking for a legit job or trying to sell kilos of cocaine,
having a network is something you need.''
''It
is better to give than to receive. Look for opportunities to do something for
the other person, such as sharing knowledge or offering an introduction to
someone that person might not know but would be interested in knowing. Do not
be transactional about networking. Do not offer something because you want
something in return. Instead, show a genuine interest in something you and the
other person have in common.''
''when
making friends: be socially optimistic. Assume other people will like you and
they probably will.''
''Your
brain gets more pleasure from you talking about yourself than it does from food
or money. This is why you should stop doing it and let others do it as much as
possible around you…asking people questions about themselves can create a bond
as strong as a lifelong friendship in a surprisingly short amount of time.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Asking
for advice, can really help others warm to you.''
''Making
time is the most fundamental way to show someone is important to you and that
you care.''
''When
the student is ready, the teacher appears. If you’re doing everything you can to advance your career, getting
a mentor won’t
be too hard. Why? Because if you’re
doing awesome work, people more successful than you will notice and want to
help you. Talented, resourceful self-starters are rare. If people don’t
notice, you’re doing something wrong. You’re
either not working hard enough or not doing enough outreach.''
''What
makes a mentor want to go the extra mile for you? When you demonstrate
you have explored every conceivable avenue and can go no further without the
mentor’s help. Seeing that you have done everything in your power
shows you’re smart, you won’t
waste their time, and you’re resourceful. Most mentors
see themselves that way too, so the two of you now have something very
important in common.''
''When
we make it win-or-lose, everyone loses.''
''When
you bully people they remember it. And if you later lose power and they gain
it, expect revenge.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Acceptance,
caring, and patience are great to focus on because in many situations with the
people we love, sadly, nothing concrete is going to get resolved.''
''What’s
the most important thing that makes people want to stay friends with you over
the long haul? A little thing called gratitude.''
''Over
and over we’ve seen that the people around
you affect you. They can make you happier, healthier, and more successful—or
the opposite. Most of this influence is passive and gradual. You won’t
notice it.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''People
who believe they can succeed see opportunities, where others see threats. They
are not afraid of uncertainty or ambiguity, they embrace it. They take more
risks and achieve greater returns. Given the choice, they bet on themselves.
Successful people do not feel like victims of fate. They see their success as a
function of their own motivation and ability—not
luck, random chance, or fate.''
''Don’t
beat yourself up or be critical when things don’t
go your way.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Accept
your humanity. You are fallible.
You don’t have to be
perfect all the time like Batman. You can’t
be. Nobody can. Trying to be is irrational, and that’s
what leads to all the frustrating emotions.''
''Hours
alone also aren’t enough. Those hours need to
be hard. You need to be
pushing yourself to be better. You’ve
spent a lot of hours in your life driving, right? Are you ready to compete in
NASCAR or Formula 1?Probably not. Trying to improve isn’t
something we are doing in the vast majority of activities we engage in every
day—including work.''
''Meaningful
work means doing something that’s (a)important
to you and (b) something you’re good at.''
''Challenging,
meaningful work makes us happy and fulfilled.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Hard
work creates talent. And talent plus time creates success.''
''Sleep
doesn’t just affect how tired you are or how clearly you think. It
also affects your emotions. ..When we’re
exhausted,our brains can’t help but focus on the
negative.''
''You’re
not a computer that can run 24/7 without a hitch. You need rest.''
''It
all comes down to the question What do I
want? If you don’t
decide, the world will decide for you.''
''When
we think about obstacles ahead of time and consider how to overcome them, we
feel in control. That’s the secret to really getting
things done.''
''Most
of us use our calendars all wrong: we don’t
schedule work; we schedule interruptions. Meetings get scheduled. Phone calls
get scheduled.Doctor appointments get scheduled. You know what often doesn’t
get scheduled? Real work. All
those other things are distractions. Often, they’re
other people’s work. But they get dedicated
blocks of time and your real work becomes an orphan.''
''Distractions
literally make you Stupid..By rearranging your work-space so temptations aren’t
visible, you can trick yourself into making better choices.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
''Writing
down the things you need to take care of tomorrow can settle your brain and
help you relax.''
''We
get hung up on the heights of success we see in the media and forget that it’s
our personal definition of success that matters. And you can achieve that.''
''Talent
usually doesn’t control what you can achieve
in life. What any person in the world can learn, almost all persons can learn,
if provided with the appropriate prior and current conditions of learning.''
''What’s
the most important thing to remember when it comes to success?
One
word: alignment.
Success
is not the result of any single quality; it’s
about alignment between who you are and where you choose to be. The right skill
in the right role. A good person surrounded by other good people. A story that
connects you with the world in a way that keeps you going. A network that helps
you, and a job that leverages your natural introversion or extroversion. A
level of confidence that keeps you going while learning and forgiving yourself
for the inevitable failures.''
― Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
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